I just don’t understand how I can be so weak. As soon as something goes wrong, I immediately think of cutting.
We had parent/teacher interviews today and it did not go too well.
When we were talking to one of my teachers I seriously felt like I was going to cry. I almost did as well, but I hate him and wouldn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing me like crap.
I was so close to breaking again tonight. I got out my blades and everything, but somehow I just didn’t. I just sort of played with them in my hands for a while, glided them across my skin and put them back in their box.
I almost cut last night as well, and just as I was about too my sister walked in.
It’s getting risky now, I don’t know if I’m just paranoid or what but it feels like everyone is watching me.
I think this week I might go see the counsellor, because I am just too exhausted.
I wanted to wait until the old counsellor got back from maternity leave because I love her and she is so easy to talk to. She said she would be back in November, but she hasn’t even been in yet to visit so I’m not sure. I think I will ask when she is back and if I can’t wait that long, then I will talk to the replacement one. She is nice as well but there is something about her that makes me a little uncomfortable.
I’ll see how I go though.